Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
