i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize