The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
