Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
