im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize