You're completely useless in the revolution.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
