Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize