i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
