The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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