he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize