im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Fuck appropriateness.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
