Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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