Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
