let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
