Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
