my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I need moral support for this bender
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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