i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so let's talk penis.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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