Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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