I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
