i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just blew my weed a kiss
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
