A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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