I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
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