Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
