im six kinds of drunk right now
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
ok first of all what the fuck
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
