An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
