Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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