You're my little dorito
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
