I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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