So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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