Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
