Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
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