Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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