perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
