My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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