the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
