Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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