So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
