so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
