if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
