I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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