Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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