She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize