Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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