Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
nutella sex= disaster
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
