I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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