who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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