Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
