Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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