Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
