Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
