i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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