You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
