Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Two words: nipple clamps
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