Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
