GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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