If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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