I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i would punch a child for taco bell
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
