We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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