Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
