I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
