so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize