remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i used baking grease as lip gloss
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize