i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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